Your prayer...

Dear Uncle,

You may have left close 2 decades ago,
but what you wrote long long time ago which I read from your past article...
about how you prayed every night
that your family and loved ones will live long
so that you don’t have to feel the sorrow of a passing again,
having experienced it as early as at a tender age of 4..
makes me wonder
that for 16 years after 22 Feb 1992,
we never lost anyone within the family until only 2 years ago..
how ironic… should I thank you for your prayer… ?

And here I am still missing you…

Can someone do things for me instead of me doing things for myself... ?

I can't wait for December...

I need a real break... exhausted...
just want to break free, not having to be responsible about anything,
and instead to just think about me.

It's just endless both at work and at home.
Maybe I should start choose either one.
I can't have the best of both worlds.

Weekend is as busy as weekdays,
washing & hanging & folding the clothes,
cooking,
cleaning the fridge,
shopping at wet market and hypermarket...
vacuuming, endless.

The past couple of weeks,
i left the clothes unfold after drying them,
only ironing my office attire in the morning, one clothes per day,
i didn't clean my bathroomn..
i ignored the dust on the table..
the bedroom was not vacuumed for a month,
all this, so that i have more time to just lay on the sofa and watch tv or spend time with my family or read a book or magazine..

Can someone do things for me instead of me doing things for myself... ?

...

Oh dear, I never like to express negative thoughts here.

I'm facing a situation where I have to like 'babysit' a person.
Arggh,,, booorrring...

I mean people should be proactive about their life direction and professional in how they dealt with the things they do.

I never like to see people who are dissatisfied (with the things they do either because of the return/rewards not to their expectation or the thing itself) to vent their dissatisfaction in negative ways, especially when they're being supported. You know, it's like a betrayal of trust, to act that way.

The worst part is when we ask, they just never want to be open,
probably due to some fear or insecurity?
I really don't know but I'm already suspecting that it is the case.

I always like to help
even if those action is not of my best interest,
as long as people are happy and
things are being worked out positively.

We should do what we do best,
So act on it
& be professional with current situation we don't like.
Don't force others to act on us...

How has euphoric & passionate love took me away out of my birdnest.

Last night, in the middle of the night at my home, I cried and wept.

I thought about what has brought me to what I am now,
being married and stay on my own,
away from the comfy house and loving place
where I grew up and lived with dearest people in my life for 26 years!

It has been 3 years, the last time I slept at my parents' home was when my son was 9 months. I've never slept at my birdnest ever since, not even during Raya.

Yes, love, my then new found love
has brought me courage to move out and be independent and
live with my new young family whom I equally love.

When I was moving out, it was not much because I want to get out from the house.
Instead, I was thinking that my expanding family (additional 2) may be too full for the house of 7. I was thinking that my siblings would love to have their own room, things like that.

I miss my childhood days.
Me, Abang, Zura, Ana & Aza, I remembered, stayed up late until 2 -3 am, doing puzzles.
When we were in primary school, when we started to sleep in our room instead of our parents, we tested ourselves on staying up until morning, that one, with Zura, Ana and maybe Aza, although she was still small. To do that, by 4 am, we would go down and made some coffee. and Throughout the night, at times when there were no Astro and internet, we listened to the radio, singing, or chatting about loads of stuff. Those are beautiful moments I love to remember until old. These memories can just lift up my spirit, to be thankful about how I;ve grown up with my brother and sisters. I've never get bored of them, probably that's why I don't bother much about going out with friends at that time, as I was already having so much fun with my siblings.

I wonder how my sisters felt when I started to stay at boarding school. I really wonder, whether they're sad. Because, even though I complain a lot about staying at boarding school, I hardly calls them, asking how they've been. And they probably started to complain about how their weekends were taken away 2 times a month, to visit me, about 100km away from home.

I miss spending time with my brother and sisters.
I miss sleeping with them in a room, having sisters chat.
I miss playing video games with my brother, you know, Mario brothers and that olympic game on the PC, during school holidays.

How we have grown up and spending less time with each other.

If i can turn back time, I would love to do all these again with them!

and Yes, I do love my hubby and son.
That's the reason why, I'm now here.

Energy of Pregnant Ladies

Something I noticed about pregnant ladies and about me when I was pregnant.

Pregnant ladies have high emotional energy,
they're expressive more than usual,
they're highly sensitive,
they go all out in what they believe in.
(and when I said they, yes, i was one :) )

Could it be because of her protective nature?
Could be.

Why I'm saying this?
Today, I attended a meeting and saw one lady whom I normally met in the past meetings. She was quite loud in the previous meetings, wanting every detail to be confirmed and clarified up to tiny little information, some of which I already knew. So, today, explain it all when I saw her entering the room, wearing maternity cloths.. No wonder, that's why... I thought.

I was one too. I was quite vocal when I was pregnant and mind you, I was at that time, considered new in the industry. In one EGM, about 4 months of my new job, I actually stood up in front of 20+ people (some are seniors, in front of the CEO of the company seeking approval from us) to clarify one issue which I think important to everyone. People must be wondering who was that pregnant lady, heheh. Even though what I highlighted was not in favour of the company, I still receive hari raya card every year from them. They probably remember me for that, huh? Hopefully in positive way.. hehhe

So, that's the power of pregnant ladies, when put into good intention..

So, whenever a pregnant ladies make a statement,
which sometimes harsh, yes, extraordinary than normal people would do,
I prefer to tolerate rather than criticise
but again only if I knew they're pregnant lah. ;)

- still vocal & expressive, if I want to -

Raya 2009

So, how's my Raya this time around?

Well, great and... & still great.. heheh..

To sum it up:

I've not failed to be'Raya' every night since the 1st raya.
Went to aunties' house, grandaunt's house, cousin's house, you name it.
It's either from my side or hubby side.
Seems that both of our family celebrate Raya the same way,
where most are now in KL for 1st Hari Raya.
We only went back to hometown on 2nd or 3rd Raya day.
So, we did 1 round of Klang Valley from Bangsar to Puchong, or from Keramat to Bangi..
Last night, was at my house. Cooked a simple meal though for my parents & siblings.
My close friend Aida & her family were the 1st Raya guest at my house this year, yesterday.

With highways, a 90km is just an hour away
And we can go back home on the same day.
We went to Temerloh, spent a day.
We also went to Serendah, drive there at 8pm, and return home at 2 am for an hour trip..

Muiz & Bunga Api
On 4th Raya at 9.00 pm, Muiz wants to play firecrackers.
We just got back from an aunt's house in Puchong and
we didn't have stocks of bunga api and
we can't find any around our area.
We can only think of Keramat, a stall around my in law's neighbourhouud.
So, with DUKE, we arrived to Keramat within 15 minutes.
Muiz played with his cousin only to stop at 12 am.
And we arrived home at 2 pm..
It's kinda cute to see how my son has grown up.
Seriously, we never thought of bunga api at all before Raya.
He did played with bunga api last year.
This year, the 1st day, kind of kaku.
And last night, well.. siap posing posing ala kungfu with the bunga api pointed to the sky.. hehe..

Pusara Ayah & Kala Shida
The 1st raya, was at my in'law.
So, we visited Ayah's grave. Kala Shida is also buried there.
That was the 1st time for me to visit Kala Shida's grave on Hari Raya.
And yea... overwhelmed, tears just kept on flowing as I recited Fatihah, I miss her a lot. She has always been part of my Raya back then... my baju kurung, kuih raya, buka puasa, hmm...

Actually, there's lot more to talk about..

I'll continue later...
Do check out ok...

Going out for Open House .. tadaa!

Hamper Raya

Raya is just around the corner.

Yes this year's raya will definitely be different from last year, for those who know why.

So, I'm going to make the best of this year. What more, my sis-in-law is expecting very very soon. I suggest she deliver on 20-09-2009, only to realise today that it is Raya day and which doctor wants to do a c-section on that day, when it can be planned. :)

Like every other raya, I would buy cookies to Mak & Umi.
To make it even more special, I pack all the cookies & goodies in a hamper instead of the usual red orange plastic bags.
On Go Green mood, I opt for a reusable shopping bag.

Tesco has this nice wooven shopping bag in natural beige colour with pictures of red ladybirds crawling across the bag.
The handle, in green, match perfectly with the Raya theme.
Yes, a 'Green' way of packaging :)

So what's inside, yes, I'll be a little bit more creative this year.
Besides kuih raya, which I bought mostly for them, I added
nice tissue box,
Glade's flower scented air freshener spray,
Palmolive honey hand wash foam, nice olive green coloured cream,
Lipton's instant 3-in-1 tea and
Cadbury chocolates and not to forget
a pink round tupperware container.

Muiz is helpful in helping me arranging those stuffs into the ladybird bag.

Yes, we are excited to show Mak & Umi on our lovely hamper...

And yes, I'm in the mood for Raya!